Broken
by everythingbuteverything
Summary: Holley's past wasn't to great. It effects her greatly. Okay, this summary sucks. Just read it.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I'm in this really weird, screwed up mood. I'm just really screwed up. I had a panic attack on Friday, after someone who blamed me for starting my friends cutting tried to friend me on Facebook... Lets pull that shit with an unstable person... I now have to start counting from one again... Damn, I lashed out. I'm sorry.**

**But now after that I am in this really screwed up mood where I'm happy and pissed off at the same time. And I just started writing... And now I have this screwed up story started with Holley... God. I. Am. Broken. I have been listening to the Cars video game music trying to cheer me up in any slightest way, and it's working. Kind of.**

**Okay so this starts out in Holley's past and it works its way into the future. Just to make it clear, in the future they are in Holley's C.H.R.O.M.E apartment/dorm thingy.**

**And one last thing. If you've read DancingKitKat's fic, Different, she put out a trailer for it on youtube. Just look up Kitty Hudson, and look for the channel with the picture of Holley. You've got to watch it, its really awesome. (and if your reading this, can you give me video editing tips, because I can't really edit videos to save my life. Yours was awesome compared to the stuff I do)**

**On with this new disaster I came up with while sitting on the toilet (LIES)**

* * *

><p>-Past-<p>

My 13th birthday. I just sat in my bedroom. I did nothing. No celebrating. No family. No fun. They just don't care, they never have.

I could hear them downstairs. They're fighting again. Something is wrong, though. It sounds different. It's louder, and there's screaming. Someone is screaming.

I rush to the stairs, and fly down them. Mom is lying on the floor, the top of her head bleeding. Dad is standing next to her, a bottle of something, vodka, in his hand. The bottom of it was shattered, the sharp edges shining in the light. My eyes widen, and I don't realize I'm screaming until I'm pinned up against a wall, with a piece of glass to my throat.

"You ain't gonna tell anyone about this, you got it, skank?" I can smell the alcohol in his breath. It makes my stomach twist. He presses the glass harder into my neck, a silent way of demanding an answer.

"N-n-no. I-I w-won't. Please don't hurt me." I manage to gasp out, without bursting into tears. He stares at me with a weird look in his eyes.

_Oh, god, he's going to rape me!_

He scrapes the glass across my throat, enough to make it bleed. I crumple to the floor, to avoid his possible next attack.

"You piece of shit, get up!" He grabs my arm, pulling me upright, and pushes my body against the door frame. I can feel it cutting into my back. He starts leaning on me.

"Stop, or I'll start screaming again." I warn him, and he starts to chuckle.

"You'll be dead before you start." He takes the glass and starts lashing out. I fall to the ground, trying to escape his attack, but he starts kicking me. My stomach, my arms, my legs, my back.

_I'm going to die, please let me die. _

But something miraculous happens. I hear sirens outside. Close out side. And I can see the door basically get pounded off its hinges by someone on the other side of it.

"Open up! This is the Police! We have the house surrounded. Open up or we'll use force." A voice sounded from outside.

He stood silent, in shock.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!" He screams at me. He drops down next to me, and starts attacking me on the floor.

The front door busts open, and the police burst in. They pry my father off of me, and take him away to heck knows where.

"We're with C.H.R.O.M.E. We're here to help." A man speaks to me.

Everything goes black.

-Present-

My life has been a series of ups and downs, and I can tell you they were not fun. I still have nightmares of that night, of my mother lying, dead on the floor, my dad trying to kill me. And that would always trigger me to do something I shouldn't. I have scars covering my body, from the past. My own personal hell. I'm no longer left alone with knives, C.H.R.O.M.E's orders. After C.H.R.O.M.E found me, my life still didn't get any easier. I never realized what C.H.R.O.M.E actually was, until I was stuck there. No choice if I wanted to be a spy or anything, but I guess it's not really a bad thing for me now. When I was fully healed, I had to go to school here. Turns out, going to school with a bunch of spies in training is the same as going to school with a bunch of assholes. But now that's over with.

The sun flits through the window, narrowly dodging the curtains. I had decided that today was going to suck, when I woke up around 2 o'clock this morning. I stare up at the ceiling, until something changes in my vision.

My cat, Stitch, jumps up on my bed and starts patting at my face.

"Yes, I know it's time to wake up, but I don't want to." I say to the orange and grey cat. He does a circle, and flops down with his butt pointing right in my line of vision.

"Thank you for that wonderful view, but I'm still not getting up." I gaze back up to the ceiling. Stitch makes one of the biggest farts he ever has made, right in my face.

I scramble up out of the bed, and out of the room, trying to breath.

I was up.

He gets off my bed, and follows me out into the living room of my C.H.R.O.M.E condo, staring into my eyes. He was hungry.

"You didn't have a good night, either, did you?" I pull open the fridge and grab his half eaten can of food.

He meows at me as I scoop it onto a plate, and set it down on the floor.

"Okay, you got your food, now can you make me my coffee?" He walks out of the room.

"You're lazy, you know that?" I call out to the little furry creature that is probably chewing on something he shouldn't be.

I hear a knocking on the door. I walk down the little hallway to the door, and pull it open to see Finn.

"Morning, Miss Shiftwell."

"Morning, stalker." He walks out into my kitchen, and gasps.

"Where's the coffee?"

"I'm too tired to make it. If you want coffee, either supply your own, or make it yourself." I plop my butt down onto a stool in front of my kitchen island.

"Well then it looks like we are both screwed for the day." Finn chuckles, and leans up against the counter. I fold my arms together and lay my head down on them.

Today was going to be extremely hard.

"What's up with you? Your spunk is gone? Holley?" He taps my arm that was showing under my hair.

"Exactly why do you visit me every day, Finn? I know you're scared about your partner and her horrifying past, but still." I blurt out without thinking.

"You know every day I see you, you get worse. Like today. You look horrible, and you're really grumpy. It's your vacation. Enjoy it. Depression is eating you, isn't it?" He questions me.

He was right. I'm still depressed from what happened more than 10 years ago. I barley slept, my dreams didn't let me, and my job didn't entitle me to it. Then I get to see it every day with the scars I made all over my body. It does not help me in any way…

"Finn, get out. Unless you have Mater, or a knife, get out." I glare at him, and point at the door. He takes my hint, and gets out before I start to attack him with a fork. I slam the door behind him.

"You might want to see the shrink, Holley."

"Die."


	2. Chapter 2

**Nanananananana. That's all I want to say. That's all I'm going to say.**

* * *

><p>You probably think of me as that independent person who doesn't rely on anyone, or take anyone's advice or tips. If you thought that, you're wrong. I took Finn's advice, and now I'm sitting in a little office that belongs to C.H.R.O.M.E's psychiatrist, Dr. Whyatt.<p>

The office was a beige color that automatically made me hate it. It was all natural colored, so the variety of color was little.

It made me feel like I was in a prison, or hell.

"Hello, Holley, how are you doing?" A younger woman walks through the door. She has red, wavy hair, and small wire glasses. She was wearing a black women's blazer and red pencil skirt.

_Hello Barbie doll._

I knew better than to answer fine, because that means everything is wrong. Sometimes being a spy paid off…

"I am doing absolutely wonderful." I put on a smile, which probably didn't look at all like a smile. She was looking at me with her head slightly tilted to the left.

"If you were doing 'absolutely wonderful,' I don't think other agents would be coming to me, talking about how weird you're acting." She replied slightly smugly.

"Other agents? I'm pretty sure the only one who came to you was Finn. I don't really talk to other agents, having no need most of the time." I decided if she was going to be smug, that I was going to play that game too.

"So how is your vacation going so far? I would think you'd be Radiator Springs by now."

"I could go to Radiator Springs? Why didn't C.H.R.O.M.E tell me this?!" I stood up and started pacing towards the door. I stop before leaving, "I don't think I'll be coming for another appointment."

I grab my purple sweatshirt, open the door, and leave. Out in the hall, I fall back onto the door, and sink to the ground.

"Holley?" I can hear voice through the door, and I can feel when she pushes up against the door to open it.

"I'm not coming back. You're no help to me." I stand up and walk back to my apartment.

Once I'm through the door, I pull out my C.H.R.O.M.E phone, and call Sally.

"Hello, Cozy Cone Motel, Sally speaking." A bored voice

"Hi, I'd look to book a room, please." She must have recognized my voice, because after I said that, her voice perked up.

"Holley! You're coming to Radiator Springs? When? Is Finn or Siddley coming? Oh, everyone is going to be so excited!"

"Can I talk please?" I chuckle into the speaker.

"Oh, yeah, that might be a good idea so I can get dates and information…" Sally laughs at herself.

"I'll be there in 2 days, and no, Sid and Finn aren't coming. I'm having… Problems with them, and everything, and I just want to come alone." I announce into my phone.

"Troubles? Anything I can help with? If you need a friend, I'm always here, and I barley sleep so you can call at any time…" Her voice sounds worried. I don't want to trouble every path I cross.

_Maybe she could help you, Hol… You know Sally is better than Dr. Whyatt any day._

"Yeah, sure. I guess…" I sigh into the phone.

I can hear something in the background on the phone. Sally, and Lightning are talking about something.

"Sorry… My idiot fiancé backed his car into something, and was apologizing for it." She started laughing again.

"Well, I'll see you soon."

"Yeah. Don't do anything dumb." Sally hung up first. I fall back onto my bed and stare up at the ceiling. I feel the bed until I find my stereo remote, and turn on my cd player. Something loud blasts and I decide for the rest of the day, to be dead to the world.

But of course someone has to come and ruin it. Someone was at the door, knocking.

"Finn McMissile, if that is you, right now I want to be dead to the world, and your presence is interfering." My voice is sharp, and I hope it had enough edge to it, to give a meaningful warning to Finn.

_Holley Shiftwell, you are leaving tomorrow for Radiator Springs. Pack your bags. You need to get ready._

"Shut up brain." I stand up and start pulling out clothes and stuff that I think I'll need for my trip. I pull a suitcase out of my closet, and get attacked with things I didn't put away properly.

"Clothes, check. Computer, check. Phone, check. Randomness, check. Raz..." My voice stops at the last thing I held in my hand.


	3. Chapter 3

My life has been shitty and amazing in the time I've been away. (Is that even possible? Shitmazing...) I got so sick of hiding my cutting secret, and now my school guidance counselor knows. So, I'm really scared to go back tomorrow... (I told her on Valentines day, and we had Winterfest on the next day so we didn't talk) Very scared. But then my life got a little bit better this weekend. I just got my 4th computer. (Woo... 4 computers... Wow... Who cares) Well, I care, cause it's an 2000 iMac 3g in Indigo blue. And it's my first Mac. And. I. Love. It. (I love computers...) It works beautifully, and it is so cool and retro and I love it. ( I bet you can't tell how much I love it) It was an old school computer (How do schools afford Macs... They are about 1000 per computer.) So it has a lot of school related software on it. I need a keyboard for it, and to get it connected to the internet (Then I'll be that really cool tech nerd) I got it for 65 dollars, and I almost peed my pants when I saw it in the store. (now you know how big of a tech nerd I am.)

Well. Your hear for a story, not me gushing about my new computer.

* * *

><p>I never realized how much I hated planes. You have sticky people around you, and little kids that smell like… something. I was so grateful to get off and far away from that plane. But then there came the waiting, I had to take two planes to get to Arizona, and then Sally was going to come pick me up.<br>I sprawled out on the bench in the airport, my body hating me for the last days. My baggage was on the floor next to me. I got stopped at baggage check, but after proving my identity and relationship with C.H.R.O.M.E they let me go without searching anything.  
>I was happy for that.<br>But now the waiting. I had called Sally a few minutes ago saying the plane landed, and that I was ready to go, and she said she was already on the road. I am very impatient, I guess, because after a few minutes of laying down and doing nothing, I was going out of my mind.  
>I could see everyone in the airport. There are a lot of fat people, but one person sticks out. She's wearing a blue tee shirt, and jean capris. Her dark hair was up in a ponytail, but it was so short not much was sticking out. She had sunglasses on top of her head, and was walking in my direction.<br>"Holley! Hey, how are you?" She sits down next to me.  
>"Hi, Sally." I sigh, and sit upright. She makes a goofy face and stands up. I pick up my luggage.<br>"We got a two hour drive back to town, and there is no rush. We could go and do something…if you want that is…"  
>"I don't care, as long as we put as much distance as we can between us and this airport as possible." I start to walk next to her, and we eventually get to her car. The inside is a mess.<br>"Yeah… nice car, and I am a very messy person. What did you do to your hair?" She tries to change the subject.  
>"Oh… this is the normal color… the light brown was from a mission disguise." I lift up a strand of my hair, and drop it back down. Sally reaches out a hand and does the same.<br>"Different. I like it. Auburn." She crawls into the driver's seat, and starts the car. Rock music starts up, and she rolls down the windows.  
>"What… if no one is watching, I will turn up the music loud. That's what I do." She smirks, and pulls out of the parking space.<br>"If you don't mind, I'm gonna sleep, because I couldn't on the plane." I slink back and close my eyes.  
>"Oh, okay. Do you want me to turn the music down?" She questions me from her seat.<br>"No, you can leave it on. I normally listen to loud stuff…"  
>"Are you sure? It's pretty loud. Doesn't that hurt your head if you try to sleep?" We pull out of the airport parking lot and on to the highway.<br>"No, my memories hurt my head. Music is an escape." I sigh, and open my eyes.  
>"So this is just an escape? Holley, what's going on?" Sally glances down at me.<br>"I'll tell you later, okay. I don't really want to talk about it right now, if that's fine with you…"  
>After what seemed like more than a two hour drive, we finally drove down a familiar stretch of road. Sally had turned off the radio about 30 minutes ago, and the silence was horrible. It was my only distraction from my mind, which was going nuts.<br>What if she continues to question me? Why did I chose to come here? What if I tell Mater, and he tells everyone?  
>"Are you going to be sick? Hol?" Sally was staring at me, her face searching for my reaction.<br>"Yeah, um, I'm fine." I snap back into the present, and attempt to push my thoughts to the back of my mind.  
>Sally stares at me for a second more, and gets out of her car. I do the same. I follow her to the Cozy Cone lobby.<br>"I'll get you a cone, and we'll talk, okay?"  
>Shit.<p> 


End file.
